In response to Sanya’s post over at Eating Bees about the whole “lady gamer” thing, you’d expect the usual whiny “waaaa not all men are evil!!!!” it’s-all-about-me denial comments. Less common, but also expected, are the comments that pretend we live in a 1940s movie.
You know, the type of movie that people who declare “Vive le difference!” love to watch, where the battle of the sexes is conducted in witty repartee, and where a man who gets too far out of line earns himself a ringing, yet feminine, slap in the face, after which all caddery ceases.
How else to explain the mindset that if you point out a problem, you can’t possibly be doing anything at all about the problem, and the best response to sexist assholes in gaming is “STFU or GTFO”? That if enough women silently pick up their dice/character sheets/epic armor and go elsewhere, the fools will see the error of their ways?
I’m all for action as a result of, rather than a substitute for, a complaint, but I’m also rather cynical. Which means I’m also aware that people who bleat about “STFU or GTFO” really mean one thing: STFU. They don’t want to hear about it, they certainly don’t want to hear that they might be part of the problem, and they don’t want the ladies casting any aspersions on their beloved hobby, which is both a downer and might lead to armor models that actually cover female avatars’ entire bodies, if you can believe it.
As daskindt pointed out, some people get extremely petulant when it’s pointed out that their hobby is not as wonderful for everyone as it is for them. Especially if “making it better for others” means an ounce of consideration from their own sorry selves.
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[i]Wanting female gamers around because it might be easier to get a fellow MMORPGer into the sack is not the same as actually thinking that a female gamer could lead a raid, or would be a good guildmaster.[/i]
At least you get a chance to prove it. Groups with a negative stereotype often aren’t allowed that. Respect grows over time, given opportunity.
“We’re not all like that so STOP BEING SO MEAN!”
“We’re not all Fragdolls so STOP STARING AT US!”
Spot the difference. One side of your face is complaining about broad generalisations, the other is making them.
As far as it being “all about me”, personal experience is all we can talk about authoritatively. I’m not claiming it’s all happy everywhere by any stretch, but it’s equally untrue that every female gamer in the world is continually hounded.
At least you get a chance to prove it. Groups with a negative stereotype often aren’t allowed that. Respect grows over time, given opportunity.
I’m not sure that “We treat other people even worse!” is the defense you’re looking for.
Groups with a negative stereotype often aren’t allowed that.
Oh–you mean like female gamers, who have the negative stereotype of “you suck and you’ll cry if you lose and you only get to play because [guild personage] wants to nail you”? Or is it only a negative stereotype when it applies to white men?
Spot the difference.
Wow, how about a hard one? The difference here is you defensively whining about Sanya’s observations about sexism, specifically pretending that she said “all male gamers are sexist assholes”. E.g.:
but it’s equally untrue that every female gamer in the world is continually hounded
I’ll give you a nickel if you can show where anybody, anywhere, said this. I’ll give you another nickel if you can honestly say that anyone reading your post was so fucking stupid as to swallow your reducto ad absurdam.
The short version is that there is a lot of sexism in gamer culture and it hasn’t gone away, despite this being the 21st century and all. Sticking out your lower lip and pouting on behalf of Unfairly Judged Penis-People Everywhere is just, well, lame.
Do you want a discussion or do you just want to Fight The Man?
Negative stereotypes
Actually I meant black people or historically women, who weren’t allowed skilled jobs or the vote. Gaming sexism is bad, but it isn’t slavery either.
Having said that, if your guild treat you like that, you need a new guild – and that would be true whatever their issue. I don’t like “STFU or GTFO”, but you can /ignore those people without quitting the game. Honestly, they should be banned, but getting GMs to do that won’t be easy.
Spot the Difference, etc
I agree with you. There is still sexism in gamer culture. However we’re not literally beating them to death in the street for no other reason than their skin. We’re also making progress. AFAICT, all the right things are being done to reduce it. If you disagree, tell me, how can we accelerate this?
As I recall, Sanya tried to start a discussion. It’s kind of hard to have a discussion with people who refuse to engage in anything but defensive overreaction, though. It’s almost like a Far Side cartoon:
What Sanya Says: Sexism and racism in gaming have diminished, but we still have a long way to go.
What They Hear: White men are all evil bastards and every female gamer is oppressed, probably with violence!
However we’re not literally beating them to death in the street for no other reason than their skin.
That’s what we call a ‘low bar’.
How can we improve? By thinking, and listening. By, as another commenter pointed out, realizing that “works for me” is not the same as “works for everybody” or “is the way it ought to be”. By stopping our defensive reactions when our ‘tribe’ is implicated in less-than-perfect behavior, and thinking about what’s actually been said–and whether the speaker has a point.
Eh, I’ve never been a gamer, so I haven’t really experienced the “culture”, or more likely “cultures”. The scene and characters are all artificial, with a cast of surreality. Small wonder people have different aspirations for it – just as they have different tastes in literature. Being a Fragdoll (I had to wiki the term) is a lot like being a Clingon at a trekkie convention. No one of sense assumes the person playing the character operates in the rest of society the way they operate at a convention.
By way of illustration, my father used to work for Addressograph-Multigraph and at printing expos they had a “white gloves lady”. She was blond, wore a white dress and white gloves and ran the press demos – changing plates, inks, etc. while keeping herself utterly uninked. (It case of a REAL problem, she’d tell people it was “time for my break” while the technicians fixed it.) No real pressman gave much credence to it, but it sold well to office managers who seemed to like “spiffy and clean image” over “productive”. It’s just a show and it sells.
Things change as people are identified and marketed to. There is a disinclination to market to protesters (not saying that Sanya exactly fits that bill) because protesters are usually considered hardened against buying – so it’s a waste of resources. That can be short sighted, because there is a difference between a protester and a critical friend, a difference taht often goes unnoted.
Were it up to me, which it isn’t, I’d keep the fragdolls because that image appeals to some girl gamers (and a lot of guy gamers). However, it’s a good idea to market to segments that don’t want that identity. Determining what those identities actually are is the hard part.
Fragdolls buy. Do Dworkin-MacKinnonites buy or just protest? If the former, great! Just add different attire/armor options and harrassment scenarios as part of the quests. As an experiment, I’d try a third group – the “Mythago” line, but I’m lost, even after almost 10 years of generally agreeable posting.
Character analysis: Legal/Champion – okay we keep that and Champion is sort of a stock character anyway; Mother – interesting, create a semi-autonomous set of chaotic characters that require a mixed measure of nuture, discipline and mentoring; Polyamorous bisexual – touchy, since sexuality as an intrument rather than a pleasure is anathema, raises the meta-question of how to incorporate “pleasure” of all kinds as part of or partially sustaining of the quest; ethos-community (generalizing from “Jewish”), actually some of this was incorporated in “End Times”, which was really pretty creative in elevating soft-power (conversion) over hard-power (destruction), it’s just a shame it enetered from an alienating context, soft-power would have to take a different form though. Then again, you just might prefer to run counter to identity by being a lone wolf predator-on-the-weak misanthrope as kind of a mental vacation from real life.
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