Dizzy writes an excellent post about dealing with “friends” (sadly, she left out the quotes) who think it’s their job to lecture us girls on how we shouldn’t be all angry and feminist-y, and how mean we are to men, and how if we were really, truly strong women we wouldn’t need all that strident feminist nonsense. tenacious snail follows up with her own thoughts. Both get comments in the idiotic-to-clueless range.
From my point of view, it’s really very simple: I’m not interested in “defending feminism,” soothing the hurt feelings of guys who are offended, deeply offended, that anyone would suggest they have male privilege, who confuse plain old traditionalist Cosmo Girl man-hating with feminism, or who want to dissect what “feminism” means and why it should really be “humanism”.
In other words, I’m a feminist. If you can’t deal with that, fuck off. Dying in the process is preferred, but optional.
I don’t mind if you hesitate to use the “f-word” for your own self. I don’t care if you like or dislike particular feminist organizations or writers; your opinions on NOW or Andrea Dworkin are not deal-breakers. But if you get pouty because It’s Not My Fault I Have A Penis; if you really believe women are pampered and spoiled and men always get the short end of the stick; if you think there is no such thing as male privilege; if you truly think that only weak women are victims of sexism, and then only at the hands of a tiny minority of men; if you think discussions of sexism are a personal insult to you…then I refer to, and incorporate by reference herein, the previous direction to fuck off.
Oh, and the above applies to women as well. If you preen at how much more special you are than all those silly girly-girls, if you are convinced that sexism is a myth invented by less-capable women because you’ve certainly never seen any of it, if you have ever used the phrase “vive le difference” in earnest, if you like the idea that your role in life is to have doors opened for you and your bills paid as your proper due for allowing someone to have sex with you…you, too, are offered VIP seating on a fast vessel that will take you back under your rock where you belong.
If you see yourself in the above, or if it merely hurts your little feelings, don’t bother commenting here. Don’t bother responding in real life, either. We’ll be much happier without each other.
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Yah Myth…
…Brought it up with the BH, who interestingly enough is conversing a lot more these days. When I reiterated my observation that I get very little in the way of stupid, sexist commentary these days (age-related, I believe), he agreed that these types of remarks are inevitably directed at young women who are just starting out. It would take a total fucking fool to engage with older women who have paid their dues, and even very young men just are not that stupid.
This notion makes me even crankier…cuz apparently, the recipients of this kind of nonsense are selectively targeted…it is a type of bullying that is indeed difficult for young women to counter, simply because of the lack of life experience.
This whole door-opening thing has got to go. It’s just not working out. I know, people think that it’s nice to hold the door for others. I agree, in theory it’s nice. And if someone doesn’t have a free hand, it’s still an OK situation. Otherwise more often than not there is a huge partially suppressed group panic that sets in as groups of guys and gals approach doors these days. If I open it for her, will she resent it? If I don’t, am I cad? She is going for the door first, should I knock her on her ass and get the door? Should the closest one get the door? What’s the damned protocol? Who gets to open the door for the hot chick if 3 guys are the same distance from the door.
It’s even worse when it’s all men. Who gets the door for who? Who is closest, who is paying attention, who has a free hand, who is talking? Hey someone got the door for me even though I had free hands, oh no I must be the weak guy in the bunch, nobody thinks I am worth a damn. Oh shit, two of us went for the door at the same time, should we fight to the death for it. Or both not get it? Now we’re outside looking at the door, not sure who should get it. I took a step but so did Roy. Now we both froze! We both look like morons now! We both went for it and knocked heads, I have a concussion and Roy hates me! Shit let’s just all scatter and not go inside, it’s FUCKED, the whole walk towards the entrances has become a giant fucking disaster. Game over! Game over! I’ll never go towards a door in a group of people again!
Don’t even get me started on the whole Elevator Debacle. For a year now I’ve been using grappling hooks to scale the exterior of the building I work in to avoid the elevator.
Door opening? That’s easy. Whoever is first. Usually me. That’s because I am just plain pushy. When two of us go for it, I just make a joke about it – usually to start taking off my coat and offering to “settle this outside”, which STILL leaves the issue of who gets to open the door so we can go outside to settle it. :-P
Mostly, though, I have determined that in the conflicts of factions revolutionary, reactionary, and centrist; I’ll be wrong no matter what I do, so I just quit caring. I have no inclination to see anyone diminished by and large, so I figure my instincts are better than any manual any faction is likely to devise.
“Fuck off feminism” I like it.
I wish more feminists would take that attitude instead of trying to change the way other people think about issues.
Yes, how horrible that feminists ever try to persuade anyone to think differently. It’s OK for anyone else try to get people to change the way they think, especially if they’re selling you something, but those obnoxious feminists should just STFU. Right?
This… from Gangly Thoughts…is so obvious, I’m embarrassed.
But I think it’s also that now I am in my late 30s I have moved from “potentially fuckable and thus subject to any and all pestering that any idiot male chooses to provide” to “eh, not old, but why bother.”
This actually makes a great deal of sense, and pisses me off even more. Not because of my lack of “fuckability,” because that’s long since covered, …but because the crap young feminists are subject to is even uglier than I’d imagined…
Country rube that I am, I did not consider the “fuckability” angle, and how it plays in these kinds of encounters.
Thank God for the net, and for the support young feminist women can find here.
Whoa!! “Fuck off feminism”. Love it! Definitely where I’m at now that I’m nearly 60! Thanks, gals! I’m going to add the term to my vocab!
Myth,
“Yes, how horrible that feminists ever try to persuade anyone to think differently”
Yet its so horrible when other people try to persuade those obnoxious feminists to think differently.
Beste, you need to adjust the gain on your sarcasm detector there.
… ahhh, mythago, we miss you on teh m-b0x. please return rsn. btw, teh m-b0x has killed its email .. no more lkjh@arbornet.org .. /sigh